Why Are Men Allergic To Feminine Rage?
Anger is a natural emotion, our first line of defense when we feel that our rights or boundaries are violated.
Male aggression both verbal and physical, is the only real power that men respect and the only advantage they have over women. When women choose to wield the power of anger, expressing it to create social change, they often encounter irrational and inadequate outbursts of criticism from men. The female anger itself makes men criticize them, regardless of the reason for that anger. A healthy dose of anger is rationally justified as a way of communicating: “I’ve had enough, please don’t do this.” A cold, emotionless statement is not enough to protect our boundaries. Without anger, people are likely to ignore the message and continue their violation or abuse. By expressing anger, we clearly communicate that we are serious about our cause. Naturally anger should always be expressed as a last resort and in moderation. Sadly, many men act as if feeling and expressing anger is their privilege only, not a universal human emotion. When women express anger verbally, use swear words and raise their voice and some men just can’t stand it. There is a double standard here. Men praise and encourage, or at least accept this behavior coming from other men, but not women. Why? Why of all things, all emotions, anger and its expression are forbidden to women? Why does it attract so much hate from men? There are several reasons behind this.
First, we need to look at two male, cognitive distortion mechanisms: expectation of void and expectation of servitude. Men expect women to have no firm beliefs, to be rather accommodating and easily influenced. Expecting servitude from women entails expecting women to be pleasing in their looks, behavior, words and deeds. Basically, wearing skimpy, frilly clothes, saying agreeable things, and asking dumb questions. (but not to slutty — slutty would mean purpose, plan and decisiveness, and that would mean too much power.) These male cognitive mistakes make men assume that women will only say things in a way that pleases men, and anger is not pleasing. One of the arguments that primitive men bring against women expressing anger and using foul language is that “it doesn’t look pretty”. The male assumption, that women are motivated by the desire to, above anything else, look pretty, is one of the manifestations of expectation of servitude. In a man’s fantasy, that they try to project on reality, they imagine that all women want to do is to cater to his needs. They expect women to want to cater to their needs and become offended when it turns out that women have their own goals and needs. This expectation is the result of replacing a sober perception of reality with a fantasy, created on the basis of one of the primordial drives. We need to name these mechanisms, and identify them as cognitive mistakes, to create a sane discussion. In a debate like this, men don’t present rational arguments, only misconceptions and self-serving expectations. In their mind, women should delegate all their anger and power to men, so that they can have unlimited power, and women are left with none of their own.
A woman who is full of rage makes the male aggression obsolete, and threatens the man’s one and only real power — violence.
Imagine a world where men would be deprived of the ability to cause violence. Imagine a society where all men are physically weak and not really motivated to engage in aggressive behavior. This would immediately deprive them of their status, and also, coincidentally, erase all violence-related social problems. There would be no abuse of women or children, sharp decrease in prostitution (no one would be able to enslave women and coerce them to sell their body, leaving only a small minority — willing participants of the sex trade) no gang violence, no shootings, no kidnappings, no wars, no terrorism, no murder.
By embracing, accepting and expressing their anger, by using their fundamental right to use the words they want to use, women become powerful and create change. Men who are outraged by women who curse and yell, simply feel emasculated — their domination drive is frustrated. Men believe, that expressing anger is their sole right, their exclusive, male privilege. When men forbid women to express anger, they are essentially claiming that women don’t have the right to this natural and perfectly universal emotion. The power of men lies solely in their eagerness to get angry and violent. When this is taken away, their power disappears entirely. Given that the capacity for violence and aggression is the only thing that holds the patriarchal power structure together, it shouldn’t surprise, that many men feel like they are entitled to criticize female demonstrations of anger and are allergic to women who use swearwords to express their feelings. After all, if women wholly embraced their anger, it would put them at equal position with men, thereby completely disrupting the existing power balance. Men like to think, that expressing anger and acting on it is their sole privilege, and are overcome with utter panic, when women dare to take that privilege.
